At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
