3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
