i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
