Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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