Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
