I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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