1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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