I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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