I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
