I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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