Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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