This dress was meant to end up on your floor
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
