Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
