im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Randomize
