Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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