I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
