Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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