Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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