dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
