Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
