did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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