I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
