we have pet lesbian snakes
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
