Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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