I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
