Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
