She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
