I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
