i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
