How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
