One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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