I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
