Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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