I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
