If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
