they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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