Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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