I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
