I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
