Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
