Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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