I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
