Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
