Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
