boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
