put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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