Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
