Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
