I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
