you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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