he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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