id be glad to
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Are we still banned from the library?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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