So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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