They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
