Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
